Training in the Dark

therausch09 Tue Jun 30, 2015 10:13 am

The TitanTron lights up as the cameraman backstage approaches a door marked "S. Antoine." He pushes through and walks into a scene of near-total darkness, save for the radiating glow of a gargantuan, wall-mounted flatscreen television. On its screen, a match from last week's AXN show - specifically, the match fought between the debuting future stars Drew Wright and Sweeney Antoine - is paused. Across from the large screen, Sweeney Antoine sits - his right leg crossed neatly over his left.
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He wears his navy blue blazer over his bright, teal trunks. His eyes squint at the screen from under his yellow-tinted aviators. He holds an expensive-looking bottle of water in his left hand and a remote control in his right. The cameraman takes a step closer, and Sweeney notices.
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Sweeney Antoine: "Oh hello there, fans of AXN. Welcome to my dressing room!
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Now I know what you're thinking: 'Sweeney, why do you have your own dressing room when everyone else has to share a locker room?'
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Well, let's just say this was something Mr. Blue used to sweeten the deal that got me here."
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He smiles smugly as he takes a big sip from the water bottle in his hand.
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Sweeney Antoine: "And I'm not exactly complaining, you know. This makes it very easy for me to pursue my usual pre-match ritual for only the finest preparation every week.
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I get to sit in peace and quiet, drinking my $23-per-bottle Veen water from Finland - only the finest in pre-hydration - while I watch match highlights on my 85 inch screen, LED, 4K Ultra HD Samsung TV.
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And I do this every week, ladies and gentlemen. Win, loss, draw... whatever the outcome, I retire to my personal quarters and review my technique.
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To date, I've never seen a match of mine in which I feel I performed poorly. If I win, it's because I am great. And if I lose, it's because my opponent resorted to some form of cheap tactics. It's a time-tested formula, ladies and gentlemen."
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He gives the camera another smug smile before taking another great glug of overpriced water.
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Sweeney Antoine: "So imagine my lack of surprise when - sitting here, right now - I review the footgae of my debut loss to Drew Wright last week and find absolutely no fault in my technique. Here, look with me."
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Sweeney begins playing specific segments of the match in question, providing commentary over them as he pauses and plays repeatedly.
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Sweeney Antoine: "Clearly, my footwork here is world class.
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And my hold here? You and I both know there's no escaping that.
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And just look at this corner work. I'm on top of my game!
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But still, somehow, I end up losing. Well, if it's not physical, it's gotta be mental, am I right?
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And while I'm loathe to admit it, I fear I was a bit unprepared for my AXN debut. Don't get me wrong now; I was very prepared for the ring, the fight, the fans, all of it.
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But what I was not prepared for was the lack of properly accessible helicopter parking in this arena. Imagine the embarrassment, ladies and gentlemen, of being stuck on the roof of this building for upwards of fifteen minutes while the arena crew had to find a ladder large enough to get me and my copilot down before my match against Drew Wright. Not fine. Not fine at all, friends.
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All that embarrassment - well - it does things to a man's head. So I got into that ring and - despite my impeccable training - I lost because I wasn't focused. The whole time I was in the ring, in my head, I was still up in the helicopter on the roof, wondering what the evening news would have to say about a man as fine as me being as helpless as that."
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The smug smile has fled his face as he looks down at the floor.
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Sweeney Antoine: "But worry not, fans. Word is I have a tag match later tonight, and I'm already viewing it as the prime opportunity for me to prove to you that last week was a fluke that had nothing at all to do with Drew Wright. And I might just stop by Mr. Blue's office and 'petition' him on installing a proper helipad around here.
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Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to finish training."
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The smugness returns full-force as he waves the cameraman away with the backs of his hands, returning to the giant screen before him and downing the rest of his Scandinavian water.